From the Fish Bowl to Enlightenment

Over the past few months, I've experienced what feels like a midlife crisis. It's as though I've been living in a fishbowl, questioning my identity and feeling disorganised both in my personal space and in my thoughts. Forgetfulness and the accompanying frustration have troubled me, leading to doubts about my worth and value. I've forgotten my own rules of self-love, and my affirmations have felt increasingly trivial.

Despite seeking solace in therapy and podcasts, I realised I needed more. I needed to reconnect with the passions that once defined me.

Simply telling myself in the mirror each morning that "I am worth it" was ineffective, and the compliments from friends and family failed to change how I felt. I became self-isolated, completely engulfed by motherhood. (Though, can you blame me? Have you seen my child?)

In the past two weeks, however, my partner Alon has been a guiding force, encouraging me to break free from the confines of my domestic roles and rediscover my identity beyond my responsibilities.

Initially, when I vented to him, he offered solutions. Frustrated, I snapped, "Why do you always have to say something? Can't you just listen for once?"

This reminded me of a humorous advert where a wife complains about intense head pain, unaware she has a kitchen knife stuck in her forehead, and her husband just wants to tell her the obvious reason for her discomfort.

I decided to listen to Alon's advice, embracing his structured approach to my day, both before and after work. He encouraged me to engage in activities that make me feel alive, happy, and content. This included running, which I had stopped about a year ago, painting (which I'm not very good at but love immensely), and most importantly, writing. He even suggested dancing lessons and urged me to organise my cupboards and clean my car. Amusingly, he added these activities to my calendar, which turned out to be incredibly helpful.

Having a partner who encourages you to find your own identity without expecting you to fit into their world is rarer than it sounds. I feel blessed that Alon supports my individuality. He encourages me to be silly, playful, childish, and sassy. He helps me laugh at myself. Even when I feel like I am going mad.

This is the kind of partner we all need, whether it's a best friend, a family member, or a lover. We all need that push. We all need that person who wants us to flourish.

That's why I love him. That's why I went back.